I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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