OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
