Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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