Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
