It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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