I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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