i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
