Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
