I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
