I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
