dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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