used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
