I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
