I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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