She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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