I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
