never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
