She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
