She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
