i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
