i already hear my dad disowning me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
