'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
