This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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