with your own penis?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
