I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
as a side note pls kill me
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