you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
