hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
