Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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