She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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