I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we made out on top of his cat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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