enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
