I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
