he thought i was a dude.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
