He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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