If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
