We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can I color on your dick again?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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