pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
