Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
