I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
