there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
