Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
