i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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