It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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