I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
