I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
