Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
oh god the rape fog is back!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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