Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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