How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I need moral support for this bender
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
