yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
