some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
