Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
