we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
