Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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