Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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