i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
