I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i came on her dog
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
