Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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