Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize