I'm lost and stupid without you.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
