i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
