I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
