His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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