How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
