i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize