Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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