I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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