If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I believe in your delicious
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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