I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
